Birthday

Well, it was my birthday a couple days ago on the 27th of November. My husband and I decided to spend the day in Chicago at the Science and Industry Museum and ended with a tasty dinner at my new favorite restaurant, The Melting Pot. It was a splendid day. It was also nice to get out of the house and do something somewhere.

All this week, I have been thinking about the concept of celebrating ones birth. Obviously, it is an annual event, happening once per year until you die. It is really an anniversary celebration of the date you were born. I guess it is a way to celebrate life and celebrate the person that was born on that day. My birthday is special because it is mine. But, every person has one and it is special to them. But, it is not really that special to anyone else, expect for maybe your parents and family. But, then they probably have to be glad for that day because without it, you would not be here. And, that would be a sad thing. This is how I often see things in the world now. Everyone has a view. But the only view that seems to be important or the only one that is even worthy to be mentioned is yours. Yet, on the opposite end of the spectrum, there is another person with an opposing view that he holds just as strong as you do. Everyone has an opinion. Everyone thinks that theirs is the right one because it is theirs. I guess it is the ultimate ego. People think that if it important to them, it is important. What people have to realize is this: You are NOT special. You are NOT different. Your ideas are NOT great. No one has to listen to you. Get over yourself.

In today's world, I get to ticked off about the whole teaching kids self-esteem. It is really a bunch of crap. Kids who learn to build their self-esteem grow up to think that they are something and that the world needs to listen to them because they have confidence in themselves. No one cares if you believe in yourself. Who are you trying to impress? All self-esteem does is make you think you are something special, like you deserve something from somebody. It teaches kids to be selfish and to me, that is the last thing we should be teaching kids today. Teaching kids that everyone is special really says that no one is.

Thankfulness

My husband and I were talking earlier today about what we are thankful for. He made a really good point about thankfulness. Traditionally, people are thankful to someone for something. I am not thankful to any person or diety, but to myself. I am the one who has made the choices that brought me to this place in life. So, I am thankful that I found the courage within myself to make the right choices for myself, even if they were difficult at first. So, I wanted to put that thought out there first. With that said, here are more things I am thankful for.

• My goosey husband, Greg
• Our cute puppy, Boo
• Parental units
• Siblings and extended family
• Nice place to live
• Realizing the freedom I have in making my own choices
• The joy I receive when I make a choice on my own
• Education, learning, and books
• New ideas that challenge previous held beliefs
• Good conversation
• The ability to truly experience life to its fullest in all aspects!

The Journey

I have realized that it does not really matter where I end up. In all honesty, I have no clue where all of this will end or if it will end at all. And for the first time in my life, I don't really care. It used to bother me intensely to not know. I wanted to be in control and hated surprises. I am finally learning to enjoy the actualy existence of my life, and not always looking around the corner for what is in store next. If you are always looking ahead you cannot enjoy the now. And the now is so incredible. The only thing looking ahead does is make you worrisome. The same is true if you remain in the past. All there is is now. Nothing else. Be in the moment. What makes life so amazing is the process, the journey, the adventure of it all. I don't want to know what is going to happen. I don't want to have it all planned out. I just want it to happen. And yes, it can be scary at times, but hey, that is better than having a boring life. It is sad because I used to think that about myself, and it was probably true. I was boring. But, no more. My life is full of interesting people and events, and if there is ever a dull moment I will be sure to turn that dullness into something interesting because that is what is in my power.

My Process

My Process


I thought I would lay out my process here for those who are interested. It is kind of like a web, so bear with me.

An Amazing Discovery

All in an instance, the world can have a new look to it. My perspective can change so quickly that the difference can be shocking. I have had an experience like this recently. I have always struggled with interpersonal relationships. I just am bad at them. I realize the intense work that is needed to nurture and care for them, and in all honesty, find myself too lazy to put the needed effort into them. But the other day, I had a 'revelation' if you will. My husband and I were chatting and he showed me how he gets to know someone. He took me step by step through the process. The entire process focuses on the hope of finding someone that you can share something with. For example, what is important to my husband is finding someone he can game with, particularly D&D. His process then, focuses on finding someone like that. Mine will be a bit different, but will follow the same general pattern. When you look at it it is so freaking easy. Why didn't anyone tell me about this before?

Step One:
Test outgoing-ness
When you meet someone new, you take to watch and observe first to see how outgoing they are. Do they talk to you? Are they friendly with others? Or do they keep to themselves? If they are outgoing enough, you can move on to the next step. If they are not outgoing, it may take much longer to get to the next step.

Step Two:
Basic get-to-know-you questions
These are questions that you can ask when you are working side by side that are non-evasive. For example, 'what do you like to do for fun?' It is an open ended question, so however they answer it will tell you a lot about that person. Depending on if it is something you can relate to, you can move on to the next step. If it is something you cannot relate to, it may take longer to move to the next step. Take some time and try to find a way to relate it to someting you enjoy.

Step Three:
Focused questions
Obviously, these questions focus more directly on getting to know the person and whether you share the common interest you are looking for. Again, these are open ended, so just watch, wait, and listen.

NOTE:
At the end of this process, you have found out if this person shares a common interest with you, an interest that is important to you. Depending on the person, this process can take minutes, days, weeks, months, or years. Ideally, you want this process to take a bit of time. More time means you get to know that person more. Too little time means you haven't really gotten to know the person, just have found out they share a common interest. So, it is a process. But for me, this is an amazing discovery. I have always felt lost when meeting new people whether at work or school. This process kind of gives me a direction at least.

ANOTHER NOTE:
This process is not fool-proof. Use your intuition. If something about a person bothers you, don't try to force liking them or force a connection. You want it to be natural. Also, there may be other things about this person that completely cancels the whole process. Trust yourself.