Freedom

Originally posted July 2, 2006.
It feels so good to be free from the constraints! Today marks my third week straight missing church. At first I felt guilty, thinking about what others would say about me and my husband. 'Oh, we should pray for them. Backsliders. They have strayed from the path. Working on Sundays is of the devil. etc.' Then I realized that the people at my church don't think about me as often as I think they do. Sure, I think about others often, all the time actaully. I think about others and their well-being way before I think of myself. It is only natural to think that others would do the same for me. But alas, I find that I am here at home on Sunday and no one cares. Not even the supposed family and friends that I had gained by attending, serving, and tithing in the church. When I came to this realization, I knew that I would be okay. When I look back on it, it seems quite depressing that I was so dependent on a group of people who didn't care about me. When I realized that no one missed me back there, I felt a sense of contentment, a sense of progress, renewal. Even though my husband and I were quite active at church; kid's ministry, welcome team, worship team, nursery, etc...; no one even called to see what happened to us. Sure, I have a tiny sense of dissappointment, even frustration. But, this failure to care really does not surprise me at all. The church hasn't grown and they wonder why. They say they want relationships, yet the foundations for healthy relationships are absent even from the highest of leaders. It was all a big joke. I have been so sick of churchianity for so long. Now I can focus on my relationship with my creator without all the trappings of man-made religion. It feels so good to be free!