Wednesday, October 17, 2007

That's where I'm at

So, there you go: the stages of grief. Haven't made it to acceptance or hope yet officially I suppose. I still feel angry occasionally about the whole situation, but it is mostly because of particular people who still ascribe to that belief system. I mostly feel sadness about the world and its condition, and like the Depression post noted, I feel truly powerless to do anything about it. Well, at least I feel powerless right now. It seems like such a pervasive situation that I wonder what one person can do to make a difference. It is funny really. I remember countless sermons and preachers who spouted on and on about how each person is so special. Each person just has to find the place that god has chosen for them to make a difference in. Even though I think those ideas were just another form of control, I can see some truth in them. In a way, going through this shit has really made me the person I am today. True, I may not believethat my purpose in life is to share god with people anymore. Perhaps my purpose is not that far off though. Maybe, in a wierd twisted way, I went through those issues so that I can come away from it having a story to share with others. As a chrisitan, I was jealous of people who had rough histories. They actually had an interesting testimony to share with people. All I could ever say was that I was a christian my whole life. That never was a worthy testimony in my opinion. On the flip side of things now, I do have an awesome testimony about how I bravely left behind the lies and crap of religion. I went through it. I know how it works. And now, I finally have that testimony that I can share with people. Perhaps, in a wierd way, I always longed to relate to people on a personal level. I wanted to experience those things. Now, I have that story. And maybe in the process of sharing my story of recovery with others, they can have a chance to find themselves as well. So, look for a future post that will talk about my actual experiences growing up in and leaving christianity.

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