Wednesday, October 10, 2007

A Serious Question

Originally posted on June 15, 2006.
Why do my husband and I have the same fight over and over again? We rarely argue, but when we do it is about the same thing every time. It all comes down to caring in my opinion. To me, it seems that he doesn't do that enough. He have arguments about honesty, truthfullness, and keeping promises; things that I happen to highly value - traits that my husband seems to be lacking in. Everytime we discuss or have a confrontation, I am the one who ends up apoligizing for expecting too much out of him. Why is it that it always ends up being my fault, or at least I feel like I am the one who needs to change? He never changes and his actions are the ones that cause the disagreement in the first place. Yet, beacuse he will not, I must continually sacrifice and give and change. Yes, it is true that my reaction to his jerkiness could be improved. But, really is it asking too much for my husband, my life partner to be honest with me? I do not feel like that is asking too much. We are in a relationship, aren't we? Sometimes I feel like I am all alone. I keep reaching out to him in love and kindness, yet I am received with a snap and an attitude. I guess I should be thankful that my husband does not beat me or cuss at me or call me terrible names. Should I simply be content with a marriage that leaves me feeling unhappy, disconnected, and isolated? I want to make it better, really. But, it all honesty I do not know what else I can do on my end. I cannot force him to change. I've tried and it does not work. I am just not sure what it will take for him to care about me in the way that I need.

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